Facing Age and Regret

Aging and regret have become daily companions. I find it difficult to understand those who wish to live forever, even as I continue to pray each day for good health and sound mind. Still, I cannot ignore the steady changes in my body. It is slowly becoming something unfamiliar—less aligned with the strength, ease, and sense well-being I once expected it to hold. A mirrored glimpse of my face or a slight turn of the arms or hands show lines, wrinkles and veins that are unfamiliar to the physical person that I once was.  Do I or would I, if I could, invest in the surgeries and time to erase (or almost erase) the ravages of time on the body coupled with the every-day stress living forever be worth it?  My humble answer is a resounding “no”.

Facing Regret

I carry many regrets and I review them much too often. My mistakes have been many. Still, I know I did my best with what I understood at the time. At times, I see questions in the eyes of family and friends—questions regarding what happened to the life they once imagined for me. The path they expected, and perhaps the one I expected for myself, did not unfold as planned. Whether by the universe, by God’s plan, or by forces I still do not fully understand, my life became something different from what I and those around me once expected. The importance of what my mother called “standing tall” is what is needed now in facing regret. How do I stand tall now that it’s called upon? Can one still recover at an aged life? Can one change the looks in other’s eyes? Can one face regret and still stand tall?  That’s the question and answer at once.

Facing Age Old Memories

 I believe the answer may be to live one’s later years with gusto and love. The only way to change how others look at you is to shape the way you see yourself. Others may judge, but they cannot control how you feel about who you are. This idea can be difficult to accept. Recently, a gathering at the lovely home of someone from my church brought back memories of my own beautiful home and reminded me how deeply I miss it. A simple trip to the bathroom awakened those memories. The room was beautiful, filled with the soft scent of lilac and decorated with framed pictures of flowers and perfume bottles. Its details carried me back to the pictures, fragrances, and quiet comforts of my own remembered home. I pulled myself together as I exited the room with no regret and compliment my hostess with a true smile regarding the room and its pleasantness. Then reconnecting with my small group as we proceeded to discuss the subject of the meeting “Forgiveness.”