I dream of my mother more often recently. I don’t know what it means, but her image, no, her presence unexpectedly appears. Was it the music or a song I heard today, or the smell of butter and cinnamon used while I baked oat-meal cookies? My deceased Mom’s butter and cinnamon combo always meant something good was coming from the kitchen- peach cobbler, egg-custard pie, candied yams to name a few. In this aging process, am I experiencing delayed regret or a delayed response to that long ago grief and loss through dreams and apparitions?

A therapist? I don’t have the finances, yet. However, I did earn my MA in Psychology and Drug Addiction Counseling in 2022. I actually started my studies in 2018 after moving in with my eldest son and his family. I was lost in 2017 after losing my home and needed to occupy my mind to preserve my sanity. Was my decision to go back to school and which major to take accidental? Some say there are no accidents. Or was it what others call “divine guidance” or that “inner voice”?

My chosen studies helped me analyze my mother’s recent appearances in dreams. Had I fallen asleep on the sofa that late afternoon when she gently walked past me with that delightfully calming smile; or was I wide awake? My friend Sherry convinced me that I fall asleep and wake up arguing that I had not been asleep by challenging me to recite what had happened in the previous scene of the movie that we were watching. When I could not make sense of the plot, I knew, and was a little afraid that I fall asleep and wake up without knowing I had been asleep (OMG, driving while tired-another aging issue to consider).

I started researching dreams of deceased loved ones. That referred me to regret and loss. My research advised me to consider turning regret into grace. Grace can be used to soften life as living regret free is impossible. Now, how do I understand and relate this sage advice to my mother’s appearance in dreams or perhaps apparitions? Is she telling me something or is she coming to lead me somewhere?

In reflection, I’ve made many past mistakes that I would have chosen differently now. Can I be honest without despair? Can I forgive myself for what I should have done or who I should have or should not have loved? Can I still apologize and/or forgive? I believe that may be why she is here. I would have talked with her and dad regarding many of the wrong turns or decisions I made. I was a daddy’s girl; however, he would have told my mother to talk with me. He would have sent her.

Sometimes AI can be a miracle resource in investigating or researching issues in life such as why or how come?