Regret Regarding Crackers

The sun’s golden glow slowly turns an orangey yellow with beams of blue and purple as it begins its magnificently orchestrated dance sinking slowly into the now dimming horizon marking the start of thousands years seasoned ballet conducted by master instruction that serves as a faintly tinkling bell warning and informing the coming of night.

The darkness of night with its change in sounds, smells and sights, can encourage a difference in the way we connect with our inner selves and with one another. With me, there seems to be an intimacy associated with the night that I am not as much in touch with during the daylight hours. When associating with others, whether inside or out-of-doors on a warm summery, starlit night, with a glowing moon smiling broadly as the sounds of clinking glasses, soft music and quiet laughter, a kind of closeness fills the air that is not apparent during daylight hours. When I am alone at night, as I am most of the time, I love the change in atmosphere, sound and smell that the darkness brings.

As darkness approaches, it wraps me in a cocoon of my own making. My thoughts become more introspective and those things that I do in the daylight hours, the daily chores, bill paying, shopping, cleaning, connecting with friends and family, are to be completed before getting into and relaxing in “my best friend”, my bed. I love to wallow in its comfort. I watch television, read, meditate and think from my bed. My bedroom is my place of rest in the broadest sense. It is the place where I spend a great deal of time now – especially in the winter months when darkness covers so many of the twenty-four hours of the day.

In my last yearly medical check-up, my test results showed my doctor that I am what she calls “pre-diabetic”. My first thoughts were sugar diabetes? Surely that could not be me because I am not a great lover of sweets. I am not a big fan of chocolate, or other desserts, I can take them of leave them. I crave ice cream and a milkshake or diet Dr. Pepper ice cream float once in a while, as these are heavenly manna for me at times. However, before I assured my doctor that I’m good when it comes to sweets, it came to me that Sugar Diabetes 2 can come from an over abundance of carbohydrates in ones diet and lack of exercise. Since I do exercise at least twice a week and not much overweight (smile), it hit me… OMg, I’m going to have to relinquish my favorite pass time and accompaniment for getting into my best friend at night – I would have to give up my crackers so lovingly and tastefully eaten – slowly, one at a time – savoring the slightly salted crunchiness washed down with a glass of wine or other non alcoholic beverage.   What has been my favorite snack and my night-time companion, must now become my once-in-a-while treat. I gave up eating bread, for the most part, quite a while ago and I had cut back on pasta and other carbohydrates as a weight watching approach to good health.

If at all possible, I am not a pill taker, as I have found that the side effects of many of the pills prescribed are much worse that the problem they are prescribed for. Therefore, if I can make changes in my life-style that can alleviate the problem without taking medication, I choose to go that route. Now as I smilingly climb the stairs moving toward my best friend, I now take with me fruit, celery, carrots, or salsa and a few chips or nothing at all. Gone are the days of my favorite Cheez-Its, Triscuits, or other great tasting crackers in a bowl or plastic bag lovingly eaten as the images on television or even better, the words that come from reading a good book as my wondrous eyes draw into my imagination the sites and letters offered by a good director or writer.

I had friends and family over the other night and while shopping for the affair, I mysteriously found myself walking down the cracker aisle and as I passed the Cheez-Its they called my name. I tried to resist and not buy the ‘family sized” box on sale at a very good price; but I was weak and could not. Some strange cord pulled me back as I courageously walked pass and I did not have the strength to ignore the glowing red and yellow boxes stacked on the grocery shelf. How can one be expected to deal with the double whammy of something you love while on sale too?  So, I bought the box of little buggers and for the party filled five bowls with them throughout the spaces where my guests would gather and gave the remaining wondrous tasting cheese colored squares to my son and his family. Sometimes one must play tricks and games with ones weaknesses in order to survive.

The promise of my pre-diabetic condition is that the diet change has resulted in losing inches around my waist and a few pounds of weight. I still love crackers, but I now go into the night and my best friend with a healthier snack and that’s a good thing. I regret not being able to keep my nightly routine with crackers; however, as my body ages, I have to embrace the changes and adjustments required to keep it healthy and that’s a good thing too.